Going through a breakup is heart wrenching and a scary process to begin.
The fact that you have to remove the person your heart is craving and wanting is a hard process, and you feel as if somethings missing until you come to terms with having them out of your life, especially when it’s a toxic relationship and you know you have no other choice but to remove them out your life.
Everybody deals with breakups in their own way, so these are only tips that helped me get over my 4 year absuive relationship, even though it was a battle with my heart and my mind.
- BLOCK THEM – whatever you do give them no contact. As thrilling and exciting it is to see them come back to you, and contact you because your brain will convince you “they must care” or “they have changed” no they haven’t. Give them no contact even if they find a way to contact you, block them off everything, your social medias, your emails, their number, change your number if you have to. Give them no contact even if they start an argument and say things that trigger you to want to respond. Responding gives them power, remember that. There’s nothing worse during a breakup when your ex won’t leave you alone. It’s damaging and makes the process harder.
- AVOID PLACES YOU USED TO GO TOGETHER – this sounds bad, but like I mentioned above these are things that helped me. For a few months I avoided food places where me and my ex used to go. I don’t think I did it on purpose it just made me physically sick hearing the name of the places or walking past there. Until I began to feel comfortable being single I went back to them places. For a short while maybe it’s best to not trigger them emotions by reminiscing on what you and your ex used to do. During this process memories will be passing through your mind all day anyway.
- BLAST YOUR MUSIC – if you can, play you music as loud as you want, especially in the mornings. Try and play music that isn’t going to make you feel 10x worse, when I used to work at a retail store and their music would come on a repeated cycle, I would be close to tears on the shop floor because the lyrics would relate and be so deep to me, it was Zedd- Clarity that would send me sick to my stomach. Well we don’t want that! In the mornings the first thing I would think of would be my ex, to drown that as best as I could I would play music. Play uplifting songs, I mean if love songs will help you why not, but for me personally it would make me feel so much worse.
- TELL YOUR FRIENDS & FAMILY NOT TO ASK ABOUT THEM – this helped a lot. When your going through this vile process, having your mom or whoever ask: “have you heard from ___” you don’t need that. Especially when you’ve been feeling okay on that day. Until your ready to talk about them, it’s a good idea to ask your friends and family not to mention them until your ready to speak about them, or what happened between you both.
- DO NOT GO ON THEIR SOCIAL MEDIA PAGES – I don’t care what anybody says, everybody has done this. It’s a disgusting habit because you’re obsessed with checking and even though you’ve broken up your still looking for something to make you feel 10x worse. I’m telling you, you will heal much quicker if you stop yourself. You’re only making yourself feel worse by checking their pages.
- DELETE ALL MEMORIES OF YOU BOTH FROM YOUR PHONE – Delete pictures, texts, whatever resembles them from your phone. This helps you not reminisce on the past and even though you’re going to miss them anyway, looking at old pictures and texts will make you feel like crap. You want to make this process as easy as possible.
- GET RID OF ALL OF THEIR THINGS – if you can, get a friend to give them their stuff, or a family member, even giving your exs friend the stuff, just get it out of your sight. Don’t meet up with your ex to give them the stuff because you could argue, talk about things which will prolong the process. Just like deleting the old pictures and anything that resembles them, having their stuff around isn’t going to make this easier. It’s hard getting rid of their stuff at first, it’s painful but once it’s out of your space you feel as if a huge weight has been lifted from your shoulders. I threw all my exs stuff out, the whole breakup process for me was physically and emotionally damaging and I couldn’t even face his friends or my own friends at the time. It’s better if you do give the stuff back, as it is their property.
- EXCERCISE – so cliche writing this as a tip for getting over a breakup. But honestly, even if it’s taking a long walk by yourself listening to your music, getting out in the fresh air will make you feel happier, if your working out indoors just think of the benefits through excercising. I used to do squats in the morning, when I was bored during the day (when my mind would drift back to my ex) and I would do squats on the night. Seeing the benefits of your excercise makes you feel confident about yourself too. Set alarms on your phone to remind yourself to get up and do something.
- BECOME COMFORTABLE WITH YOUR OWN COMPANY – you’re so used to being with that other person or just being on their phone with them, having their presence and their company majority of the time. However you choose to be comfortable with your own company will be whatever you want to do in your free time. I would make my bedroom cosy, put candles on and my fairy lights on, I would be obsessed with reading books especially gripping ones that would keep me flipping the page and reading on. If you don’t normally read, you should try it out by buying a few books that seem appealing to you and lose your imagination whilst reading the book. I used to also watch movies for hours, normally comedies. I couldn’t watch a love movie, no way.
- GO OUT AS MUCH AS POSSIBLE WITH FRIENDS AND FAMILY – above I’ve written the total opposite but I say go out as much as possible during the day time when you know you’re just going to be in bed thinking of your ex. It’s good to be surrounded by other people, your mind will be distracted, you could talk about your problems if you wanted to, and hear the advice and support from people who care about you.
In all honesty time is only going to be your biggest healer. I used to get so angry hearing that, but now I’m over what happened I feel amazing, confident and I love being single.
These are only tips that have helped me, I spent majority of getting over my ex by myself with no friends which was stressful but I will say it made me so much stronger. This was through choice but saying this, try not to push people away.
It’s fine having time to yourself, but just remember there are people who care for you.
Take things day by day, you will overcome this and it will make you a happier and stronger person.
Be kind to yourself,