Even though I write about positivity like I’m skipping through a field full of flowers, sometimes you can’t stop your mind overpowering your emotions.
Right now I’m wide awake, emotionally distraught over materialistic things.
I’m anxious about the future, not doing enough for my son and my head is so full of things I need to sort out, I wish I could just move far away.
I keep telling myself “I will have my shit together once I finish university, I will have a car eventually, I will have a two bedroom house fully furnished and I will feel content with my life.”
At this moment in time I don’t want to go and study, I want to stay in bed and not speak to anybody.
Every single day is repition. I wake up to baby, I go to sleep with baby.
I never have time for myself and I don’t mind this when my mind is on a level, but sometimes I would love a full day and night off where I could just sleep and lounge all day.
Breastfeeding doesn’t help as my son doesn’t take a bottle what so ever, and will refuse to have a sippy cup on the night which is my fault because I should of introduced a bottle here and there Of expressed milk, so he would be used to it.
My anxiety at this moment is so over powering I can’t calm myself down. It’s awful when things get like this.
I have the urge to completely be by myself but that’s impossible being a single mum.
I’ve got a few projects I need to sort out regarding my blog. I might put these things on hold until I get myself straight.
I’ll probably be fine tomorrow, I don’t realise I’m this stressed until I’m wide awake at night destroying myself and nit picking at things I haven’t done and haven’t got compared to my friends and family.
I shudder at the thought of being with anyone because I’m so over protective of my son, but at the same time I crave for a happy family in the future.
I can’t bring myself to build a relationship or go on dates, which is a clear indication that I’m not ready yet which is fine.
So many things spinning in my head. I just want a break.
I’m putting everything on hold and making my blog private for a while until my mind is better. I have to heal first so I can make authentic posts.
There’s posts on schedule coming out.